oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
