I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I know her cup size but not her name....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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