I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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