She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
