yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize