dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize