If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
