Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
