A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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