You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
