her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
