I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
