Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
