Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize