Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
