You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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