Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
