so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
NoShamevember. You game?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
