So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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