I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
