I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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