my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
