chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
