my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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