The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i've created a new STD.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
