honey bunches of taint.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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