How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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