Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize