HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
