I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
