We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I want a musical about memes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
