College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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