it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize