My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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