I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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