drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
