I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
