Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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