there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
