I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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