Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize