You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
