chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
