went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
