Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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