How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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