Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
