Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
