I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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