I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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