She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
