Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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