I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
