You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
