I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
