I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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