At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
