fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
