Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
