So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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