what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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