Tell her she can't have a vagina
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're too hungover to prance.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
