every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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