i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
