I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
