I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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