Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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