I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pray to the hookup gods
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
