Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
