I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize