my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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